What are some funny and smart quotes?

My sister Tracy sent me these a little while ago. I thought I’d share them. Thanks Trace.

“The human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Too much alcohol kills brain cells, especially the slower, weaker ones. So, regular consumption of beer eliminates the slower brain cells after you’ve had a few beers which will speed up your brain.”

“There is no rule against postal workers dating women. It just works out that way.”

How do I cope with the fact that I will never have a girlfriend?

“Everyone in the Swiss Army owns a Swiss Army knife. That’s why no one messes with Switzerland.”

“Ah just like all women. If they’re not turning down your proposal of marriage, they”re accusing you of suspicious behavior in the lingerie changing room.”

“A Freudian slip is when you say one thing when you’re really thinking about a mother.”

I like this guy and his personality is AMAZING. He’s everything I want EXCEPT I’m not 100% attracted to him. I’ve dated some really hot guys and I’m wondering if that’s ruined dating for me? What do I do?

Few people had funnier or smarter quotes than Cliff Clavin from the TV show, Cheers.

“It’s a little known fact that the tan became popular in the Bronze Age.”

“It’s a little known fact that pigs are the smartest animal. Scientists say that if pigs had thumbs and a language that they could be trained to do manual labor. They give you 20 to 30 years of loyal service and then at their retirement dinner, you can eat them.”

AMC Theaters to Run Even More Commercials Before Movies Play - Bloomberg.com

They did a study between postal workers and chimpanze...